Japanese Pet Peeve: Squeak squeak

Have you ever been to a Christmas lunch or toddler's birthday party where someone gives a small child a toy that makes a loud, annoying noise? The mother smiles and thanks the giver, with a slight note of strain in her face. She knows she will be hearing that toy drum/musical truck/whistle/jackhammer sound effect, over and over again, over the months to come.

In Japan I have noticed a product that would make me feel this way: squeaky shoes. These are shoes for toddlers that emit a loud squeaking sound with every step. Imagine someone squeezing a rubber ducky. Now, as small children tend to run around a lot, imagine them squeezing that ducky relentlessly for minutes at a time. Not pleasant for anyone who happens to be in the same restaurant or shop.

I can only imagine that the logic for buying such shoes is to be able to have an idea of where your child is at all times. In such crowded cities, it might be useful to be able to hear when your small child is running off somewhere. At least, I hope this is the reason, and it's not a 'cute' fashion choice. I have to admire the patience of mothers who can tolerate it!

Japanese Pet Peeve: Shopping

I should preface this by saying that I mostly dislike shopping in general, not only in Japan. I could make a 'pet peeve' list about shopping for any location. However, today I'll focus on shopping in big cities in Japan.

The crowds

Going to a popular shopping spot on a weekend is no joke. Most of them have absolutely ridiculous numbers of people. If you go anywhere near lunch time, people will be sitting outside restaurants, lining up waiting for a place. People will line up half an hour to buy a particularly popular brand of donut or cake.

Every shop you go into will become a labyrinth in which every potential exit is blocked by human bodies. In general, shops are not spacious even when empty of people, so there are an awful lot of logjams. Going in for a casual browse becomes very frustrating.

I've realised how lucky I was in Yokohama to have Mondays off.

Shouting

This is absolutely the worst thing. Unlike in most of Asia, Japanese shopkeepers don't badger you to buy things. However, they do a lot of general, random shouting.

'Welcome!'

'Please look around!'

'How about some takoyaki? It's delicious!'

'Come and see these great specials!'

Girls' clothes shops are the worst in this regard, because there is obviously some kind of shopkeeper training course that teaches girls how to adopt the loudest, most nasal voice possible. I can't convey how awful this is if you haven't heard it for yourself. If you're within 10m of one when she shouts 'irasshaimase!! douzo goran kudasai!', you'll get a fright. Sometimes these girls are so piercing I actually wince in pain; it's all I can do not to clap my hands over my ears.

Food stores are also full of shouting, but are generally less nasal, featuring lots of men bellowing in the most gung-ho manner possible. In food halls, there can be quite a cacophony from competing stalls.

In pretty well every kind of store, the staff will say 'irasshaimase' (which basically means 'welcome' and doesn't require a response) when you walk past them. In some stores, where the staff are busy laying out stock or folding clothes, they will just shout 'irasshaimase' at random intervals, whether there is someone new nearby or not. When you leave, someone will usually say or shout 'arigatou gozaimashita!' (thank you!).

This in itself is fine, it just depends on the manner in which it is said; sometimes it's said in such an aggressive voice that it doesn't make me feel welcome at all!

The music

Another pet peeve is that some stores have their own jingle or advertising slogan, which will be repeated again and again over the speakers. 

'Nanaco de kao kao seven seven! Seven Eleven, ii kibun!'

'One price shop! One price shop de gozaimasu!'

'Tako tako tako! Tako tako tako!'

This is just about bearable if you're in the shop for less than one minute. I don't know how the sales staff can work there without going stark, staring mad.

My current supermarket is quite bad. Most of the supermarket is blessed with a repetitive, perky jingle. Imagine the chorus of 'This is the Day that the Lord Has Made' played on the tin whistle, converted into midi format, and played on loop, all day every day. However, different parts of the supermarket have different annoying jingles. While waiting at the checkout you get to listen to the 'takoyaki odango' song, which I always leave the store singing. -_-

The good

To be fair, there are also good points about shopping in Japan. Indeed, in most cases, I actually prefer shopping in Japan to shopping anywhere else.

Some products are cheaper than back home. In particular, books, shoes and alcohol. ^_^ There are more shopping venues to choose from, and sales assistants are usually pretty helpful. For me as a short, fairly small person, it's easier to find nice-fitting, reasonably-priced trousers and shoes.

When you walk around shopping areas, you can also find a lot of interesting things, like odd food, funny posters, or products you don't find back home. Today I saw a Japanese sword store, with swords selling for around $10,000 each. There are lots of cute gift stores, and food shopping is fun. 100 yen stores have a lot of good stuff with which you can equip your apartment.

The good shopping spots are in interesting hub areas, usually easy to access by train, so when you go shopping you feel like you're in the hum of Japanese life.

Japanese Pet Peeve: Taking trains

Wow, I'm getting quite a nice little collection of these 'Japanese pet peeves', aren't I. Hahaha. I suppose when I was in the honeymoon period of living here, I didn't have so many, but now more things are getting on my nerves.

Japanese trains are very good and in general I like commuting by train. Spending so much time doing so, however, means that I naturally have some small pet peeves regarding them.

The 'get on the bloody train!!' phenomenon

When waiting for a train, Japanese commuter stand in line on the platform, and board in a fairly orderly fashion. As you're getting on, the 'doors are closing' sound is blaring warningly, and there's always someone just in front of you who feels they have all the time in the world, and casually step on, deciding to stop right in the doorway so nobody can get on behind them. I know the train is crowded, but while there is a line behind you and only a few seconds for us all to get on, please push right into the crowd so that we don't risk getting shut in the doors.*

*(Incidentally, I have only gotten stuck in a train door once, and that had more to do with how much alcohol I'd consumed, rather than slow fellow passengers.)

The 'just one more' phenomenon


Once everyone has got on, and everyone has manoeuvred themselves into a position on the train where they're not inappropriately touching anyone else, and you've gotten the coveted spot immediately next to the door, the 'doors are closing' sound will sound... and sound... and sound... and at the last second someone else will leap on, forcing everyone into one another. If the 'doors are closing' sound lasts particularly long, this may be three or four people. This happens every time without fail.

The 'changing platforms phalanx'

When you change trains, there's sometimes an escalator that only goes one way. In my current commute, people going down onto the platform must take the stairs, while people going up can take the stairs or escalator.

What happens is that you have about 1000 people, who came off the previous train, all trying to get down this narrow staircase at the same time, forming an impenetrable phalanx of human bodies, creating a logjam. Meanwhile you can *hear* the 8:11 train pulling up, you can see it only metres away, but there's no way you're gonna get to it in time.

Hahaha... it sounds annoying, but truthfully, by the time you've gotten down and walked the length of the platform, the 8:13 train is pulling in. That's a good thing about Japanese trains. I just can't believe there are so many passengers though, that they can run trains *every two minutes*, yet each one of these trains is wall-to-wall people.

Japanese Pet Peeve: Feeling the sun on your skin... or not

I went on a Japanese cruise ship, and one thing I noticed was that very few of the Japanese passengers actually used the swimming pool. When I asked them why, their answers were either 'I'm too shy', or 'I don't want to get the sun on my skin'.

If you live in Japan, you will notice that even in warm weather, many ladies will wear long sleeves that cover their skin. Some also carry umbrellas, even if they are only walking a couple of blocks in the sunshine.

In Japan, white skin is the beauty ideal, rather than tans (although this is less true for men). So I'm not sure whether the sun safety ideal is a result of health concerns about UV and skin cancer, or a desire to prevent cosmetic effects like a tan, freckles or wrinkles.

I currently work at a university. The weather has been gorgeous all week - about 26 and sunny every day - but one thing I've noticed is that, in striking contrast with Australian universities (and Australian *anywhere*, really), nobody was sitting outside. There is outdoor seating available, it's just that I'm always the only one enjoying it. I brought this up with my students and they agreed they didn't sit outside. Why? 'The UV,' they said.

Coming from the Land of Skin Cancer, Australia, I appreciate that this is very sensible, and much better than the opposite extreme of lying in full sun for hours to get a tan. However, I feel like we should enjoy nice weather when it comes up. That's why it's a pet peeve of mine - it feels like overcautiousness to me - especially when you feel you can't walk outside with your skin exposed to the sun for even one minute. Or swim in a pool on a 35 degree day (why not put on sunscreen? And lie in the shade after you've finished swimming?) My culture has instilled in me a sense that when the weather is nice, you should be out there enjoying it.

The other day it was cloudy, with no sunshine, but it certainly wasn't raining. We went down to a river in the countryside. A lady was clambering over the rocks while holding an umbrella aloft. To protect her from the non-existent sun. For some reason, I found this sight depressing.

Japanese Pet Peeve: Recycling

Recycling is a good thing.

That said, please look at this document published by the City of Yokohama. (Scroll part-way down to get to the English section.)

This is how we are expected to dispose of our garbage.

!!!!

Japanese Pet Peeve: Little Dogs Who Think They're People

If you go to any public park, you'll soon realise: Japan is full of ugly dogs.

I don't know if it's because the dog aesthetic is different, so that people think they actually look cute. Or I don't know if it's a case of taking pity on the animals that only a mother could love.

Of course, there is logic in choosing small, rat-like dogs; in a city where space is at a premium, little dogs can be kept in apartments. 

Anyway, a dog is not to be blamed for its looks. What does bother me more is dogs in coats. I heard that coats can diminish a dog's ability to regulate its own body temperature. If there is a good reason for it to wear a coat (it has some rare sickness, or it's prone to running away and you want to be able to easily identify it), okay. But it seems to be more about cute accessorising. The dog clothes I've seen cost more than *my* clothes.

For the record, if you put an ugly dog in an overpriced coat, it doesn't become cute. It just becomes ugly and stupid-looking.

Then we come to the subject of dog-walking. Often in Japan, when the owner takes their little darling for a 'walk', the only one getting exercise is the owner.

I can't count the number of times I've seen people walking while carrying their dogs. Okay, so this is understandable in a big crowd, but let me go one step further: I've also, frequently, seen people pushing a child's pram or stroller with a dog inside.  It's not like their child has gotten out so the dog temporarily jumped in; no, it's the dog's pram. 

That's right, the dog is not to exert itself. Why take it with you at all?!

Japanese Pet Peeve: Japanese TV

I have two pet peeves about Japanese TV (apart from the most obvious, which is that I don't understand anything that's going on). Speficially, they relate to Japanese 'variety shows', which is what I call any loud, obnoxious show that has a bunch of generic-looking 'cute' people in a big room together, and lots of ugly visual clutter on the screen.

The first pet peeve is the way we can never see any story or piece of footage, without also seeing the 'cute' people reacting to them. Usually in the corner of the screen there is a little box with a person's face in it, looking horrified, laughing, or surprised.

You are not allowed to make up your own mind whether something is interesting or funny; the talents will very loudly interject throughout every segment with wild, overblown laughter or shocked 'ehhhhhhhh!'s. It's even less subtle than watching a cheesy 80s sitcom with a laugh track after every line of dialogue.

The second pet peeve is the portrayal of Japanese girls on TV. They're frightful. Now it's true that in Australia, most actresses are expected to be quite good-looking, well-made-up, and fashionable. But on Japanese TV, they look and sound like parodies of human beings. They have no personality - or rather, they all have the same personality. 

Most Japanese 'talent' girls are virtually indistinguishable - they all have the exact same squeaky 'ehhhh' voice, cutesy 'charming' attitude, over-treated hair, the exact same facial expressions when pretending to look shocked, etc.

Mind you, the men are just as bad, in a different way.

(By the way, I have the TV on right now. There are no fewer than FIVE 'cute people' at the bottom of the screen, reacting while they broadcast footage of fireworks from around Japan. BUT, they've been playing the same thing for at least twenty minutes. There's only so long you can enjoy watching five people gasp and say 'wooooah!' and 'sugoii!' at fireworks on TV. (In my case, my tolerance is about 3 seconds.))